Don’t shoot him, it just makes him mad!

Meet Gustave.

Gustave is the world’s largest Nile crocodile. Over 20 feet long and around 2600 pounds, Gustave is believed to be between 60 and 70 years old, and during that time has developed one of the most impressive resumés of badassery ever. He has personally killed more than 300 people, which makes him one of the most prolific serial killers in history.

Gustave lives in Burundi, Africa, specifically around the Rusizi River, Ruziba river, and neighboring Lake Tanganyika. He is well-known and feared in the area and has often been observed killing people just to watch them die, without even bothering to eat them. He tends to kill several people at a time, moving from one person to the next after only a single bite or two.

If you’re swimming in Burundi, and all of a sudden a crocodile jumps out of the water and bites off your lower torso, how do you know it’s Gustave? First of all from the fact that his mouth alone is bigger then you, and second from the scar in his face from the time he was shot in the head.

If they can get enough to eat, crocodiles never stop growing. This just means that Gustave, who is already unbeatable, is just going to get worse as time goes on.


What does all this have to do with libertarianism? Check out the last page of this National Geographic article. Barr, a scientist on Gustave’s trail, makes the connection:

“The biggest crocs I’ve ever seen have been in communist nations or countries at war, places like Cuba, Burma, and Cambodia,” Barr told me before flying out. “They have survived because people have other things to worry about. If peace ever comes to Burundi, mark my words: Someone is going to kill that animal.”

That’s right, you read that correctly. Not only does communism result in poverty, famine, brutality, mass murder, and not only does it rip civilization apart down to its foundations, but it results in giant freaking crocodiles. As if there weren’t already enough to worry about.

I predict that the US will be overrun by giant crocodiles by 2050.

(Originally posted at Libertarian Longhorns)